The Precious Present - A Healer's Journey

By Bunny Blair Rush, RMT

Dedicated in memory of George Cortes

Before I was diagnosed with cancer thirteen years ago, I was a professional in the game of big business. Since then I have begun a new journey - that of healing and teaching healing. For the past few weeks, I have been working with a very dear friend and student who was recently diagnosed with cancer. I have worked with many cancer patients over the years, but working with a close friend has brought back a swirl of memories of my own experience. Cancer was my teacher and my gift. In honor of my friend, I would like to share with you an article I wrote eleven years ago, one year after I was diagnosed with cancer for a second time:

"About three years ago, my husband and I moved from California to Stamford, Connecticut. We both hated our jobs and I was very unhappy. About a year later I was diagnosed with a small tumor in the breast for which I had a fairly simple lumpectomy and radiation and it was over. Oh, it was scary, but not really life threatening. A week before I completed my treatments my husband informed me he'd lost has job. We continued to struggle. I became suicidal. My life felt empty and desperate. I was totally focused on what we didn't have rather than what we had.

In November of that year I was diagnosed with a new, unrelated cancer in my colon. After colon resection, my surgeon confidently told me my cancer was contained. He got it all. There was no sign of cancer anywhere else. Two days later my oncologist informed me that the pathology report found cancer in my lymph nodes. With chemotherapy, he said, my chance of survival was about 70%. I would require treatment for one full year.

Pretty grim words. But in that very moment something wonderful happened! I experienced a kind of transformation…I chose life. I began the process of healing…spiritual healing. I had a profound experience of spiritual renewal, a sense of really being connected to everything around me. I am so often now awed by the beauty of life - flowers that we planted last year coming back to life in the Spring, the powerful delicacy of the irises and columbine in our front yard, the feeling of utter intimacy that I get to experience every day when I come home and Florette, my puppy, crawls happily into my arms, kissing my neck as if you say 'You belong to me and I belong to you.' I love those moments. Besides my husband, my family and friends, I also have my dogs and my cats…and the chipmunks and squirrels…and the earth and flowers and trees. They are all a part of me.

All I have, all any of us have, is the moment. And that reality is where healing lives. Every moment I have a choice, as we all do, as to how I want to experience that moment. The future only exists in our anticipation of it. And so often, when we get there, our experience is quite different from what we anticipated.

I have learned some important things since I was diagnosed. I have learned that the more I am present in the moment, the more I experience my own authenticity. The more I experience my own authenticity, the more everyone and everything else in my universe becomes real to me…and the less separation and the more intimacy that exists between me and the world around me. In that space, I know beyond any shadow of doubt that I am being spiritually healed…and it is miraculous, peaceful and exciting all at the same time.

How many of you remember how it felt when you first fell in love? The pure joy and "filled-up-ness" of love, yet just a touch of melancholy at the thought that it might come to an end one day. Well, that's part of what healing is too. To fall in love with myself and with life, to feel the utter joy of loving life…and yet just a flicker of sadness that it all may end…too soon. When I feel that way, I tell myself to focus on the present…the precious present. Things are not always wonderful. The effects of chemotherapy are always with me…a constant reminder that I am fighting for my life. But, good or bad, I treasure all the moments in my life, because there's one important thing I know…moments are forever. And that's what the spirit of healing is all about."

That was eleven years ago and those words are as fresh and raw and true as they were then. Enjoy the journey.

Bunny Blair Rush, RMT, is a Transpersonal Energy Healer, Spiritual Counselor and Registered Massage Therapist with a practice in San Antonio. A graduate of The School for Enlightenment & Healing in San Diego, CA, Bunny is cofounder and President of the Lionheart Institute of Transpersonal Energy Healing in San Antonio. She is also Past President of the Office of Cancer Survivorship, part of the San Antonio Cancer Institute. To find out more about the Lionheart Institute workshop series and 2-year certification program, call (210) 270-9558.